Tuesday, May 27, 2014

simply said

Have you ever watched time tick by?
Moments. Seconds. Passing by.

I often forget that every moment is a gift and a chance to do something awesome. Every second ticks by. never to be lived again. .. one second.. another.. and another.
just beyond your finger tips.
it sliiiides out of your grip.
blown away like old leaves on a windy day.

and I ask myself, WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING WITH THIS TIME??

so here it is. and here I am desperately trying to fly. I sit on my front porch next to dusty chairs, trying to see art in baseball practice, while I listen to the birds. And I'm praying this makes me creative.

the thing is, my creativity is pure simplicity...
simply because that is beautiful to me.
like tea cups with pink lemon-aid
like scribbled sentences on a page
like looking at the world upside down,
pretending trees are tied down clouds.
like songs sung by birds,
and the winds whistles 'word'!
the river drops base
like a splash to the face
and the fish be swingin their fish hips
stayin hip..
but fish aren't really hip?
anyways
simple like bike rides
and long hikes
simple like the glory,
of getting out of bed each morning.
like pretending the sea is the sky
and fish are birds that fly.
and I don't now if I sound high.
but this is how I think
simple..

So I laid under a tree and I noticed how the sun glistens threw the branches.
I noticed my own fingers stroking the grass, the same nervous motion I usually do with my hair. but the grass is more comforting.
And when I drove home I noticed more then the paved streets. I noticed if I shift my gaze slightly up, I cans see trees, higher I see mountains, higher I see the sky. and I swear I saw a moment flutter by.






Paris




I was told to bring pens and a note book. lots of pens because ink is essential. and a note book, a plain one with no sentimental value.
I wasn't supposed to bring make up. I wasn't supposed to cover up, I wasn't supposed to fake my blush, I wasn't supposed to lengthen lashes or stain my lips.
Naked face with no powder. But power.
People could see the tear streaks on stained cheeks. see the chapped lips, with cuts and splits, they leave an ugly kiss. My eyes look small, they look less, they don't pop or impress. they just see. see surroundings, and see imaginings. see my scars, see them near and far. See my smile. because that is real.

I dressed in weird clothes.

 I walked unknown streets of my heart and found a nice little diner to eat at.
 I met some nice people. I met famous people, but realized they were just people. I met people who I thought were just people but realized they were famous.
 I became famous. 
I became just a person. Human.
 We laughed and ate oranges.
We painted with our tears,crayons and pens, while avoiding the color green.
We threw some bricks.
We watched an opera.
We started a book, but we were told how it ends. (they die)


I fell in love
and I guess you could say I was lost. 
but it became my home. 
and I don't plan on leaving soon.
Paris is part of me now








Sunday, May 11, 2014

Please Bless

Please bless me with a "love so deep the ocean would be jealous"
Please bless me with healthy children.
Please bless my husband.
Please bless my mother.
Please bless the homeless, and the hungry.
Please bless the lonely.
Please bless our ears to hear.
Please bless our eyes to see.
Please bless our hearts to feel.
Please bless me with enough faith to get by.
Please bless me with confidence
Please bless me with humility 
And Please bless me not to be so greedy.

I Will Always Remember

Dear Mother,

I remember painting a portrait of you, and how frustrated I was that my stubby child hands and old brush couldn't manage to capture your beauty. I remember the vivid image of your face, and the sloppy paint blotches on the paper. I remember you still liked the picture anyway.
 I remember getting in a tussle with a girl in day care, because we both wanted to pick the prettiest flower for our mothers. I lost. I remember you waking up me  up in the morning and taking me to grandmas. I now realize how difficult that must of been. I remember the countless sleep overs in your room. I remember sleeping well those nights, even though you snore. I remember when I barfed in your hands, and I was sure that was what true love was.  Because why else would any one be crazy enough to let another person barf in their hands? I remember when I broke your glass doll with my red bouncy ball. and I was so scared to tell you. but I remember most clearly that you told me it was okay. I remember the promise you made me that day. that as long as I told the truth, you would never get mad. and you still keep that promise. I remember when I told you grandma was my favorite, and I need to make it clear that YOU are my ultimate favorite.  I remember I would stand amazed when you could read my scribbled writing, because I knew I spelled it wrong. but you were smart enough to figure out what I was trying to spell. You are so smart. You're like a code reader. A mind reader. The reader of my heart. You still somehow piece together my sloppy words and know exactly what I'm trying to say. I remember being the two tooter scooters. I remember long naps in the back of the car, knowing when I woke up we would be somewhere awesome. I remember you told me if I got car sick to either look straight ahead, or take a nap. In fact, those tips seem applicable to life. I remember soaking your shirts with giant alligator tears. I remember later on when those alligator tears would be blackened with mascara. I remember the stains on your shirt where the last of your worries. I remember my friends growing meaner, but you never did. I remember the world got bitter, but you never did. I remember the unrealistic standers set on my back, but you never were part of that load. I remember I cried when I got my first C+ but you told me that it was okay, because I was trying my best. I remember us picking the neighbors cherries in the night. I remember the highlight of each summer was mommy daughter week. I still know the excitement of mommy daughter dates. those are the best kinds of dates. know why? Because boys are stupid dates. because I remember when a boy handed me my broken heart, with a Roxberry on the side. and I remember you glued it back together again. I remember you sang the song 'favorite things' to stop my crying.I remember wetzel's pretzels. I remember french toast. I remember my 16th birthday. I remember Disney Land is so much funner with you. I remember you sitting on the bleachers. I remember you telling me I'm a beautiful writer. I remember the confidence you lit in my heart. I remember my snappy come backs, and how they never received sass in return. I remember reassuring you that its okay to ground me, because you  struggle with punishing me. I remember I got out of that punishment the next day. But it's okay, because I remember guilt punished me more then any physical punishment could ever do.
I will always remember the color green. I will always remember the lyrics to the musicals. I will always remember your love. I will always remember your strength. I remember when I was small, seeing you cry was rare. I remember how it's not as rare anymore. I remember you watching the ones you love in pain. I remember watching you in pain. But still I remember your strength. I remember how scary it was to picture you in a wedding dress again. but I remember you were more beautiful then anything I could describe. I remember chipmunk cheeks. I remember funniest home videos, and how your laugh is funnier then the videos. I remember story time, and we couldn't skip a single page, because each second with was priceless.
 I hope you remember I love you. I hope you remember the sassy come backs aren't on purpose. I hope you remember the tears weren't meant to make you sad. I hope you remember that your my favorite Disney princess. because you are way stronger then all of them put together. I  hope you remember I want to be like you went I grow up. Because I remember all of this and so much more.
I remember trying to write poems about you. and how frustrated I was that my bony teenage hands and dull pencil couldn't manage to capture your beauty. I remember the vivid memories of pure love, and my sloppy sentences on the paper. I remember you still liked it anyways.

Happy Mothers Day!
To my best friend, and my unmovable rock.
I Love You Mom!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Black Out

> > > M i s s i o n * P l a n s < < <





 - - -  T h e * B u l l e t - - -





~ ~ ~ h i s t o r y  * l e s s o n ~ ~ ~






Sunday, April 27, 2014

Introducing Me, The Real Me

Well hey!
Looks like you know who I am now.
Never thought I would share so much of me with people I hardly know.
Crazy enough, it's not as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe it helps knowing I will be leaving this school pretty soon. But non the less, I want the flow to keep spewing, I want to be brave like Peyton Sawyer, and I want to continue to get to know you. (Now I'll be able to picture a face when I read your words.)
And I want to you to continue to get to know me.
So here goes everything.

Hello, my name is Alena Kay. My middle name (Kay) has been passed down for three generations. I'm not really sure it's significance, but I once convinced someone that my family owned Kay Jewelers. And I like the idea of being the third Kay in the family. Alena Kay the 3rd. 

I really want a pet bird. I would name him Steve.

When I get nervous I say 'Hi' a lot. That or I play with my hair. Or talk a lot. Or go mute. But I'm actually okay with silence. I don't think it's awkward.

I guess I kind of have a boyfriend? I say kind of, because I've never really given that title to someone, so it really freaks me out. Last time I got close to giving that title, I got a broken heart and the title "lets just be friends" in return. So lets just say I've gone on lots of fun dates, with this guy I really like, and it's going well!

I'm the top female sprinter of Lone Peak! That's right, this tiny little girl is an athlete. Like, a legit one. No one really pays mind to the track team, but track is something I'm actually good at. That doesn't happen to me much, so it's a pretty big deal.

I cry a lot. When I get stressed, when something touches my heart, when I'm tired, when I'm super happy, when my friends force me to watch scary movies... it's a problem.

I'm really good at holding back my tears. It's a skill I've practiced for years. My secret is to just blink really fast and distract yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself you have to be strong. And keep your eyes moving.

I love Disney princesses more then normal for my age.

My birth dad left me and mom when I was very young. Luckily I had my grandpa and uncles to look to for that father figure. My mom got married when I was 6, but then divorced when I was 7. Lucky for me though, she's married again! (family trees were way confusing for me as a kid)

So I guess that's a little bit more of me, the real me. Even though I'm not really sure what the 'real me' really means.

I hope you still show me you, the real you. Even if your not really sure what that means.

How to Procrastinate