My Top Three Colors

I really like the color green because it makes me think of the trees, and their leafs. And it leaves me breathless. It makes me think of the tease of the breeze in their branches. Of the songs birds sing. Hidden  beast. Reality and mystery.  Life springs in green. Living things are green. Like trees. And I like those.

Then I like blue, for the sky and sea. For the summer hopes it brings. The sights and sounds feel free. Birds with wind beneath their wings. Be lazy. Be crazy. Breath blue air, just breath. For tears that stream. A puff of clouds and dreams. The sky above me, the water engulfs me. And it makes me think of magic.

Purple reminds me of childhood memories. Of little flowers that dance in the breeze. Pick them for  mommy. Ask to play for one more minute, please? And you tease and your fee. Look for fairies the size of flower seeds. See things not seen. Small with wonder, pure and clean. Dress up jewels and rings. Bow to the queen. And remember to live

I am

"I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill--crumpled, torn, dirt, abused and scarred. But I am still a 20-dollar bill. I am worth something. Even though I may not look like much and even though I have been battered and used, I am still worth the full 20 dollars."

~Unknown

They try to tear me down

Drown in the sound of doubt

Drown in the pound of cant

But I can

They try to tear me down

Find reasons to frown

Find reasons to take my crown

But they cant

They try to tear me down

But I found I am proud

I am loud

I am renown

I rule this town

I am

I am

They try to tear me down

But they cant

I am battered

I am bruised

I am used

I am beat

It doesn't matter

I refuse,

To lose

I am elite

Broken Knees

My knees are broken.
They couldn't bare the weight of my fatigued body anymore. and it didn't help when you kicked them. it didn't help when you pushed me down. Thanks anyway.

My hands are bleeding.
That happened when I fell. When I fell and you didn't catch me. When I fell and you didn't care.

My body is bruised
My body is blue. I'm pretty sure that came from you. Why did you kick me when I was down? Why did you hit me so hard? Were my broken knees and bleeding hands not enough?
You bashed and battered me to bits.

My knees are broken
My hands are bleeding

My knees are broken, but I will still pray
My hands are bleeding, but I will still give

My knees are broken, but still I will stand
My hands are bleeding, but still I will hold on

My knees are broken, but still I will run
My hands are bleeding, but still I will write

My body is bruised, but my Spirit is Strong

Maybe

Maybe it's the way his gaze doesn't seem to just see,  it seems to steal a part of me. Flash of green stars. Green fire. Green light. Green. Green headlights. I'm dazed, amazed and I forget how to move.  I forget how to speak. Forget to breath. Wait, what?

 Maybe it's how I drown in his voice. I drown in the sound, the soft rumble of  waves, words washing away reality. Swallow me up.  Soak me to the bone. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. 

Maybe it's his touch. Each muscle, each vain, each bone under his skin. Oh his skin.The shadow of his touch. It lingers. His long figures. Lingers. His lips. Lingers. Oh his skin.

Maybe it's the way he laughs. 

Maybe it's the way I make him laugh. He makes me laugh.

Maybe it's that feeling. 

Maybe it's the way all of these stay in my mind. In my heart. Even after it ended.

Maybe it's pitiful that he still lives in my mind, he's still the king of my heart and now the master of my pain.

Maybe... just maybe... that's love.

Childhood

Back in the day of childhood, the outdoors were exciting. The sweet breeze, and sway of tress called for me. The grassy earth was perfect for napping, and for dancing. The taste of rain took away pain and that was priceless.

Then one day the outdoors were boring. The taste of gossip smothered on lips was better then the taste of the air. The sound of music beat that of the birds, and the relationship with screens were more real then with people.

Then one day the outdoors were scary. If you went out, you would come back hurt. Storms were harsh and the thunder was loud. The people seemed robotic, their creations chaotic, and inside was the place I hid.

Then one day the outdoors were mysterious. I no longer knew what it was. The trees began to call again.. their song like the voice of a long lost friend. When I tried to listen, the robots would shut me up, and tell me it was nothing.

But it was something

Then one day the indoors were jealous. They noticed  I lingered at the door, that I longed for something more. But they told me comfort was inside. They closed my eyes, made me blind and told me they knew what love was.

Today I'm entangled by wires and plugs. I'm shunned by lip gloss mugs. The inside is cold, and outside is colder, but outside makes me feel alive. So I went out and laid in the grass, and watch the clouds dance and felt my soul dance again. I went to the swings. I talked to peoples faces. I walked to different places and I swear that day I flew. The day I did what children do.

Silent Spaces & Loud Sturggles

Time to do another blog.

Dread and excitement fill my soul,

while my mind fills with ideas.

I anxiously  sit down and  stare at the blank page. 

And it remains blank

For an uncomfortable amount of time.

There are moments of pitter patter on the key bored...                                              

...followed up by  silence.

It reminds me of  talking to a crush...

...one I really want to impress. 

But I can't make conversation to save my life!

When asked about myself, 

I forget who I am.

I like to sleep. 

I like food. 

And I think I like writing? 

I know I just look stupid.  

I'm blowing it. 

Big time.

That's how I feel,
as I awkwardly type out my nervous words.

Trying to impress.

But the blank spaces of silence fill my mind and fill my empty page.

~Blank

Enough

Dear Me,
Well I just wanted to stop by and say hello! You seemed a little bummed the other day. I know a lot of people have been making you feel small... again. Making it seem like you aren't smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough or just plain good enough. Well it happens. To everyone. So I just wanted to say it's okay. You are good enough! You're more then just enough! I don't know if you believe me. But it's true. I know you like to think of all things you're not. But maybe you could try thinking of all the things you are. I mean, you're pretty cool! You might not have perfect grades, but I think your pretty smart. Maybe you don't have that body everyone says you should have. But your body works! You have legs, arms, a heart, and lungs! (And it's a pretty good looking body in my eyes.) And you might feel kinda wimpy sometimes. But strength doesn't always have to be physical. I know you have a strong spirit. You've gone threw some hard stuff! So I hope you remember that even when it feels like the world is agents you, I will always be there for you. Always. Because you're worth it. We are worth it. Please stop listening to those who say your not, because I KNOW you are. And please, treat yourself good. Okay? Promise? Because, I think you're really awesome.

~Me