Broken Knees

My knees are broken.
They couldn't bare the weight of my fatigued body anymore. and it didn't help when you kicked them. it didn't help when you pushed me down. Thanks anyway.

My hands are bleeding.
That happened when I fell. When I fell and you didn't catch me. When I fell and you didn't care.

My body is bruised
My body is blue. I'm pretty sure that came from you. Why did you kick me when I was down? Why did you hit me so hard? Were my broken knees and bleeding hands not enough?
You bashed and battered me to bits.

My knees are broken
My hands are bleeding

My knees are broken, but I will still pray
My hands are bleeding, but I will still give

My knees are broken, but still I will stand
My hands are bleeding, but still I will hold on

My knees are broken, but still I will run
My hands are bleeding, but still I will write

My body is bruised, but my Spirit is Strong

Maybe

Maybe it's the way his gaze doesn't seem to just see,  it seems to steal a part of me. Flash of green stars. Green fire. Green light. Green. Green headlights. I'm dazed, amazed and I forget how to move.  I forget how to speak. Forget to breath. Wait, what?

 Maybe it's how I drown in his voice. I drown in the sound, the soft rumble of  waves, words washing away reality. Swallow me up.  Soak me to the bone. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. 

Maybe it's his touch. Each muscle, each vain, each bone under his skin. Oh his skin.The shadow of his touch. It lingers. His long figures. Lingers. His lips. Lingers. Oh his skin.

Maybe it's the way he laughs. 

Maybe it's the way I make him laugh. He makes me laugh.

Maybe it's that feeling. 

Maybe it's the way all of these stay in my mind. In my heart. Even after it ended.

Maybe it's pitiful that he still lives in my mind, he's still the king of my heart and now the master of my pain.

Maybe... just maybe... that's love.

Childhood

Back in the day of childhood, the outdoors were exciting. The sweet breeze, and sway of tress called for me. The grassy earth was perfect for napping, and for dancing. The taste of rain took away pain and that was priceless.

Then one day the outdoors were boring. The taste of gossip smothered on lips was better then the taste of the air. The sound of music beat that of the birds, and the relationship with screens were more real then with people.

Then one day the outdoors were scary. If you went out, you would come back hurt. Storms were harsh and the thunder was loud. The people seemed robotic, their creations chaotic, and inside was the place I hid.

Then one day the outdoors were mysterious. I no longer knew what it was. The trees began to call again.. their song like the voice of a long lost friend. When I tried to listen, the robots would shut me up, and tell me it was nothing.

But it was something

Then one day the indoors were jealous. They noticed  I lingered at the door, that I longed for something more. But they told me comfort was inside. They closed my eyes, made me blind and told me they knew what love was.

Today I'm entangled by wires and plugs. I'm shunned by lip gloss mugs. The inside is cold, and outside is colder, but outside makes me feel alive. So I went out and laid in the grass, and watch the clouds dance and felt my soul dance again. I went to the swings. I talked to peoples faces. I walked to different places and I swear that day I flew. The day I did what children do.

Silent Spaces & Loud Sturggles

Time to do another blog.

Dread and excitement fill my soul,

while my mind fills with ideas.

I anxiously  sit down and  stare at the blank page. 

And it remains blank

For an uncomfortable amount of time.

There are moments of pitter patter on the key bored...                                              

...followed up by  silence.

It reminds me of  talking to a crush...

...one I really want to impress. 

But I can't make conversation to save my life!

When asked about myself, 

I forget who I am.

I like to sleep. 

I like food. 

And I think I like writing? 

I know I just look stupid.  

I'm blowing it. 

Big time.

That's how I feel,
as I awkwardly type out my nervous words.

Trying to impress.

But the blank spaces of silence fill my mind and fill my empty page.

~Blank

Enough

Dear Me,
Well I just wanted to stop by and say hello! You seemed a little bummed the other day. I know a lot of people have been making you feel small... again. Making it seem like you aren't smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough or just plain good enough. Well it happens. To everyone. So I just wanted to say it's okay. You are good enough! You're more then just enough! I don't know if you believe me. But it's true. I know you like to think of all things you're not. But maybe you could try thinking of all the things you are. I mean, you're pretty cool! You might not have perfect grades, but I think your pretty smart. Maybe you don't have that body everyone says you should have. But your body works! You have legs, arms, a heart, and lungs! (And it's a pretty good looking body in my eyes.) And you might feel kinda wimpy sometimes. But strength doesn't always have to be physical. I know you have a strong spirit. You've gone threw some hard stuff! So I hope you remember that even when it feels like the world is agents you, I will always be there for you. Always. Because you're worth it. We are worth it. Please stop listening to those who say your not, because I KNOW you are. And please, treat yourself good. Okay? Promise? Because, I think you're really awesome.

~Me

Alive and Living

Well here you are!
Alive and Living.
I’m not sure how you feel, but I hope you feel good.
Just take a deep breath for me.
You feel that?
You feel how your lungs fill up with air.
Do it again.
In… 
Out…
Now, do you feel that pounding in your chest?
Thud. 
Thud. 
Thud. 
That’s your heart.
 Pumping blood through your veins.
From your heart, down your back, around your ribs, to the very tips of your toes, your fingers, even your ears.
You feel it all?
Feel every body part.
Notice how you can see your nose sitting right there on your face.
Feel your cramped tongue, squished with spit inside your mouth.
Feel your clothes covering your skin and your hair sprouting from your scalp.
Yup.
It’s all there.
And it’s all you.
Pretty incredible huh?
You
Your pretty incredible.
And you’re the only you there will ever be.
So what are you going to do about it?
What are you going to do?
We already established that you have lungs, a heart, fingers, toes, a squishy tongue..
And that you are alive.
Remember that.
But more importantly, remember to live...

~Feeling Alive