Starts and the Moon

I'm afraid of the dark.

 I'm afraid of what lurks in the dark

because I swear something.. someone.. does.

and I feel unseen eyes watch me, 

beyond the sidewalk

behind the tree

in the bushes

it burns

but the moonbeams chase it away.

All I have to do is look to her, 

and fears melt away like falling stars.

stars

twinkling

twinkling 

stars

Like diamonds glimmer in the sun

they glimmer

but their price, much more valuable

Peter Pan spilled a little too much pixie dust

and now it sparkles in the sky

reminding kids to fly

and to dream of adventures

and make wishes

I think Peter Pan and Tinkerbell are up there somewhere

or angles

or both

Why do we make wishes on falling stars?

Is that their last hurrah as they tumble?

Why not wish on ones that still hang? 

Or are they to proud to grant wishes?

Perhaps they are busy acting as guides.

Stars guild lost ships

And wayward souls

And lead us all home

Even if home isn't the place you sleep.

and they sing you to sleep, 

and act as a blanket on cold restless nights

and the moon?

chases away my fears

 kisses my forehead

sparks my wonder

and provides a sky full of stars

of angels

of fairies

and dreams

She keeps track of time

and lightens my mind

with new ideas

and I bleed with her

and I think she bleeds with me.. too

She cries with me

And she follows me where ever I go

When I was young I watched her out the car window 

as she zipped along the side, promising to never leave my side

And made sure I made it home safe.

And the stars lead the way.

Then they tucked me in, and watched me from my bedroom window.

They still do that every night.

The moon is my light, when I'm lost in the dark

Ask The Tree

Why does a tree grow? 

Seriously, what motivates it to keep going?

When the wind blows, when a branch falls, what keeps it from giving up? From simply not growing anymore. 

Have you ever seen a plant that just decided to stop? I haven't. Only when it takes its last breath of life does growth stop, but till then, there will always be new sprouts and stretching limbs.

Don't you get tired tree?

Don't you grow frustrated with obstacles? Don't you cry when you get hurt?

When lovers come and cut your skin with knives. Claiming it's a symbol of love. Does that make you angry? Does that make you sad? 

When the tree next to you has fuller branches, when it seems to curve and twist just right. Does that make you jealous? Tell me tree, have you ever felt ugly?

Because no matter what, you still grow. You reach your arms to the sky. To the sun. You soak up every drop of water. You soak up every ray. And turn into growth, turn it into energy. You make something out of nothing. Day in and day out.

But why? What are you reaching for tree?

Do you long to to play with the clouds? Do you yearn for the company of the sun? Is it heaven that you reach for?

How has a tree masted the skill of continual self growth, when so many humans give up?

Space Camp

If I were to die tomorrow...
In the morning I would hike with my dad
Early afternoon I would have a BBQ party in my grandmas back yard
Late afternoon me and my friends would ride our bikes to the church parking lot, and play kick the can.
That night me and mom would sleep under trees, blanked in stars and fall asleep to the lullaby of our voices.
Then I would slip away in peace.

If I died in 30 years...
In the morning I would go walking with my dad
Early afternoon we would have a BBQ party in my back yard
Mid afternoon, my mom and I would talk over toast and hot chocolate.
Late afternoon me, my kids, and my hubby would ride bikes to the park, and play steal the flag.
That night we would sleep under trees, blanked in starts, listening to the beat of my children's breath and to the lyrics of me and my husbands conversation.
Then I would slip away in peace.

SPACE filled with family. With friends
SPACE filled With laughter. With grins
SPACE filled with air, with trees and honey bees
SPACE filled with old memories
is my CAMP is my home
is my CAMP is my safety
is my CAMP is my core

is my
SPACE CAMP

I know what I want

You know  what you want to be when you grow up, so stop telling people you don't.
And you keep daydreaming about his eyes, so stop saying your over it
You know what school you want to go to
You know how you feel about sports
You know what you want to learn
You know your standards, so stop letting people persuade you to bend them.
You know you secretly sing in the shower, hoping to get good
You know you secretly doodle, hoping to get good
And you dance
You know you what you want to name your first girl
You want a big family,don't let peoples teasing bother you
You know you don't really have much to complain about, so stop pretending you do.
You know this.

You know this.

So stop telling people you don't

SHOUT IT!
Shout!

I want to be a teacher when I grow up! Even though the pay sucks!
I want you to say me you love me! And you miss me! I would wear your promise ring.
I want to write, to sing and make art as my hobby! Even though I suck at those!
I want to go to a top class college that would never accept me!
I want to be athletic, but not an athlete! (Because I might get a flat chest.)
I want to learn more about the education system along with history and science.
I want to learn lots of random facts.
I want to be a good example, I don't want to swear, I don't want to dress like a slut, I don't want to stand out for the wrong reasons. Molly Mormon is a complement. I wish I lived up to the name.
I want a son named James, then a girl named Emma, then twins Andrew and Alice, lastly I wish for a son named Mathew. 
I want to be the best mom ever.

I've got nothing to complain about!
I'm glad my mom and dad got re-married after divorce, they both seem so happy now.
I'm glad I get to see my dad every other weekend.
I'm glad I have step siblings.
I'm glad I have wonderful friends that will be so hard to say goodbye to.
I'm glad I've had trials, they keep me humble, and they keep me learning.

I know this because my bones told me.
because my bones shake when its right
because my heart pumps so loud I swear everyone can hear it!
because my eyes water for no reason.. or for all the reasons
because my ears hear the music most can't

I can taste it.
I can feel it.
I can see it
just beyond my reach.

I can
I can

It's written in my bones.

I know it is

Skinny Girl

Skinny bones, and simple clothes. Covered her skin. covered her bones. Skinny legs  walked along. Walked down the road. Alone. Skinny streets and skinny sidewalks. She passed by skinny trees and small house lots. She walked a lot. She walked and looked for something. Get away from something. Skinny girl had black hair and white teeth. Skinny girl walked down the street. Down the street. One foot. Two feet. Down the street. Skin and bones, covered by simple clothes. Down the road. Smelled like fall, smelled like rain. She walked to escape pain. So much pain in a small body. So much in a skinny body. She would burst. And she would curse, loud enough for the wind to hear. The wind played with her hair and swept away the whispers. Skinny girl almost blew over. Skinny girl. Built of bone. Covered in skin. Wouldn't let any one in, ever again.

Beautiful Life, Painful Death

Her smile was warming, her eyes were bright. She smelled like roses and looked like light.

Her soft smooth hands laced with mine as she pulled me to to the sunshine meadows, and star lit streets. Her hair bounced on her back, and she never looked back, and her hair was black, but she didn't know what the dark was. She told me there was no such thing. There was no such thing as fear.  She flowered me with kisses and told me to make wishes on all the stars, and they would come true. 

I stood in perfect moments, and she whispered in my ear that it would never end. 

His smile was timid, his eyes held fright. He smelled like blood, and looked like night.

His hands were cold, and clammy. When he reached for me,  I pulled away. We lurked in dark alleys and strolled down rainy roads. There, he told me what pain was,  and  told me stories of fear. His voiced crackled like a fire, and it glowed in his eyes, and it burned. He taught me about sadness, as he wiped away my tears.  He rushed to my side, the first time I my heart cracked. I was so scared. But he told me that was normal. 

I stood in perfect moments, and he leaned in and told me in would one day end.

She told me time was unlimited.

He told me it was limited.

She told me to take my time.

He told me not to waste it.

She told me it joy is constant.

He told me to embrace it.

I don't know who to trust, or who to believe... 

because life whispered in my ear this would never end. When death  leaned in and told me it would.

If I Was Not Afraid

If I wasn't afraid I would scream! 
I would just yell for no reason! 

And I would enjoy it when all eyes fell on me. I wouldn't feel my cheeks grow hot. I wouldn't even tell them why I yelled! Or heck, maybe I would! Maybe I would boldly tell them my opinion. Maybe I would make a witty joke. Maybe they would laugh because I was calm enough to let my humor shine. Maybe I would share my ideas and people would think I'm really smart. Maybe they would seek my advice and I would bluntly give it.

I would stop using the word 'maybe' so much! 

That's a word of uncertainty. 

And I would be certain. 

I would strut through any haunted house, and sit threw all the scary movies, without being phased.
I would look at you right in the eye, instead of cowardly letting mine flicker away.
I would tell you that you're really cool, because I usually think people are, I just never tell them.
I would eat all sorts of food and always try new flavors instead of letting them clog my airway.
I would be quick and confident in making choices.
I would go and squish that stupid spider!
I would not tear up when I got a shot.
I would sing really loud.
I would dance really crazy.
I would raise my hand in class.
I would go places alone.
I would drive on the freeway more.
I would laugh off any suspicions that somethings lurking in the dark.
I would laugh at the dark.
I would laugh at the devil.

I would do all this and more... if I wasn't afraid...

If I wasn't afraid of creepy crawlies
If I wasn't afraid of people
If I wasn't afraid of needles
If I wasn't afraid of new things
If I wasn't afraid of old things
If I wasn't afraid of being heard
If I wasn't afraid of the devil
If I wasn't afraid of you.

But the truth is.. I'm afraid.
of this...
and much more...

Magic

I think I saw some magic. 
I think I saw it twinkle in your eye. 
I think I saw it kiss your lips when they curled up. 
I think I saw it play with your hair, or was that the wind? 
I think I saw it sitting on a flower, on a branch, in the grass. 
I think I saw it in a raindrop, or was it in the clouds making raindrops? 
I think I saw it chase the birds, and play with the kids. 
I think I saw it trapped in a bubble, and it cheered when it was released. 
I think I saw it smile at me.
But I have bad eyes.
I think I heard some magic. 
I think I heard it laugh. Or was that you? 
I think I hear it sing along with the birds, with the guitar, with the radio. 
I think I heard it whisper, or was that was the wind too? 
I think I heard it pray. Or maybe that was me. 
I think I heard it tell me I was loved. 
I think it told me I was beautiful.
I think I believed it. 
But I have bad ears.
I think I touched some magic. 
I think it has soft skin.
I think it has rough skin
I think it felt like water, like bark, like flower pedals.
I think it feels warm.
I think it feels cold.
I think I felt it wrap it's arms around me.
But I have poor senses.

Bricks and Words

Bricks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. 

WRONG.

Bricks and stones will bruise my body, tear my skin and could probably freaking kill me. 

And the seemingly harmless words?

Those will bruise my thoughts, tear my confidence and could probably freaking kill me.

But whats weird is those same things could be used for good.. if you wanted.

Bricks and stones could build a strong homes, guide the river and provide safety. 

Now that sounds better.

Words could build strong souls, guide the lost, and provide safety.

I guess its all on how you use it.

So be careful with that brick in your hand. That heavy load could have more then one outcome. It's all about How you use it. It might require more work to construct something. It's easier to toss it around carelessly. But tossing it will eventually get tiring. And before you know it, you could cause a lot of damage. 

So be careful with that brick in your hand.

Bricks and stones may break my bones, and words can hurt me.. too.

Bricks and words. 

Words and bricks.

Same thing.

Adventure

Grab your boots

Because its time for an...

Why? Well silly, because...

 

I was thinking of going..

Or just somewhere in..

 Why? Don't ya know..

And personally,

So lets take lots of pictures

And remember to...

I understand at first it can be scary, but..

and with that, ALWAYS remember...

 So lets go! Because...

My Top Three Colors

I really like the color green because it makes me think of the trees, and their leafs. And it leaves me breathless. It makes me think of the tease of the breeze in their branches. Of the songs birds sing. Hidden  beast. Reality and mystery.  Life springs in green. Living things are green. Like trees. And I like those.

Then I like blue, for the sky and sea. For the summer hopes it brings. The sights and sounds feel free. Birds with wind beneath their wings. Be lazy. Be crazy. Breath blue air, just breath. For tears that stream. A puff of clouds and dreams. The sky above me, the water engulfs me. And it makes me think of magic.

Purple reminds me of childhood memories. Of little flowers that dance in the breeze. Pick them for  mommy. Ask to play for one more minute, please? And you tease and your fee. Look for fairies the size of flower seeds. See things not seen. Small with wonder, pure and clean. Dress up jewels and rings. Bow to the queen. And remember to live

I am

"I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill--crumpled, torn, dirt, abused and scarred. But I am still a 20-dollar bill. I am worth something. Even though I may not look like much and even though I have been battered and used, I am still worth the full 20 dollars."

~Unknown

They try to tear me down

Drown in the sound of doubt

Drown in the pound of cant

But I can

They try to tear me down

Find reasons to frown

Find reasons to take my crown

But they cant

They try to tear me down

But I found I am proud

I am loud

I am renown

I rule this town

I am

I am

They try to tear me down

But they cant

I am battered

I am bruised

I am used

I am beat

It doesn't matter

I refuse,

To lose

I am elite